Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Fourteen Weeks

I have been feeling sick to my stomach at the thought that Kellie might be pregnant.

To my relief, she isn't...

Until she tells me because of a miscarriage.

She was fourteen weeks.

I had a child. I was a father for fourteen weeks and I didn't even know.

I think I'm going to be sick

Saturday, January 16, 2010


One by one we'll slowly fade away but in the end we'll see what we did wrong
And in the end we'll find out what makes us strong.
All the things you'll ever do or say those memories will haunt you everyday fade away one day we'll all fade away

Basically I have been moody as shit lately. Like actually crying at times.
I don't even know whats wrong with me.

I'm not angsty at you baby.
Just in general.

I get so lonely. Normally I can deal with being solitary.
This time it's so different...

Ps. I have cut down my drinking and haven't slutted :)

Friday, January 8, 2010

In Man We Trust

I just "stumbled" upon this very lovely blog post about myself.

I thought I would like to share.

Quite strong, but can't say I don't deserve it...

I hate you.

I hate you with a passion I've only felt once before, but the emotion it was enforcing was love. For you, strangely enough.

For months I have tried to suppress my anger and loathing for you. It hasn't worked. I'm seething inside with no way to release my aggression.

I should have fucking hit you. I should have shouted at you, and told you exactly how I see you.

You are pathetic and weak; a coward who clings onto girls in a poor attempt to feel good about yourself. But it never works out, does it? You always end up fucking another girl, and another, and soon you find yourself so caught up in your lies, that you don't have a way out.

I've never believed that people are completely good, or that their intentions are always pure, but I still cannot possibly comprehend what a cruel human you are. I wonder frequently if you have any conscience; if you ever look at yourself in the mirror and realise how much of a putrid being you truly are.

If you read this, good on you. You can verbally assault me all you wish, because I know I am a good person when compared to the vile piece of shit that you are today. Abuse me via the internet all you want, because your words won't affect me. Not anymore. You hold nothing more over me. Any inch of affection I had left for you is gone.

I will never, ever rekindle love for you, as I've done before. The greatest mistake of my life was letting you back into my life. I'll admit that. I just wish that I could have realised it then, that you are not worth my time of day.

Not anymore.

So, this is formally my last entry that will mention you. Ever. My ex boyfriend, my ex love, the person who I thought would help me through life, no matter what happened. The only person I've ever completely trusted. You knew everything about me, and, I thought I knew everything about you. You were my life; my everything. My entire being.

Never again.

You are disgusting. I would spit at your feet, if I could. I hope to fucking hell that I never encounter you again, for if I do, I won't be able to stop myself from running up to you and hurting you. I've lost all of my sanity regarding you, and what you've done to me.

Don't push me, because I will fucking do it. I'll do anything to make you feel pain. Though, it could never be the pain that you've caused so many girls to feel, including me.

Thinking of the sex we had, the intimacy we shared, makes me want to vomit.

You're a vulgar being. I want you gone from my memories, from my life.

I hope you die alone and loveless.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Night Breed

Turned me into someone else.
Made me act against my own desire.
I won't forget the things I've seen.
Million cries made my ears bleed.

My soul was torn apart.
On the day that I was born.
Your actions fuel my anger.
I armed myself with hate.

Endorsed By Hate

Blood drips - from your tongue!
Your ideals - my hate!
Blood drips from your tongue.
Your ideals my hate.
Just think of what you've done.
You've stolen my peacefulness away.

By your hands - they die!
Loved ones - forever lost!
By your hands they die.
Loved ones forever lost.
What have they done to you?
Hunger marks their final hour.

It's fucking hate

Feel my rage

Endorsed By Hate